it's kinda sad how things changed so drastically overnight.

feel that i should sob uncontrollably, cause i'm so upset. but the logical and detached part of me refuses to comply. so there's this big stone weighing on me, and there's nowhere to run.

don't know how not to give up, when i might get hurt again by the foolishness of hanging on to that tiny bit of hope.

goodbye my lover, you have been the one for me

翻着我们的照片 想念若隐若现
去年的冬天 我们笑得很甜

虽然你还握著我的手　但我已不在你心中

我真的懂　你不是喜新厌旧　是我没有　陪在你身边　当你寂寞时候
別再看著我　说著你爱过　別太伤痛　我不难过　这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流　我也不懂

就让我走　让我开始享受自由　回憶很多　你的影子也会充滿我生活
我並不懦弱　你比谁都懂　虽然寂寞　这会是我　最后的寬容

忘了所有　过得比你快活

真的走到最后了。原来，你给的承诺并不算什么。是我太笨，把它当真了。是我太笨，以为努力就能修补裂缝。但是，一切已经太迟。是我太笨，相信爱情，相信你。她在你心里的重要性，短短几个月内就已超越我们4年的一切。我对你已不再重要。你的自私伤得我好深，我相信我有理由过得更好。

i know it's not easy, but because there is still the sliver of desire to hold on, this is the last chance to try.

thanks for willing to put in an effort.

the rest of you, thanks for your concern. it's not something easy to talk about even though it's bothering me.

went for course at SMU yesterday, entitled "managing relationships in SMEs". at the end of the day, realised its actually an overlap of the foundation course, and i didn't really bring anything away from it. the seminar style of the room also stifled interaction and the formation of friendships.

happy that a surprise was waiting for me when the course ended. maksim concert at esplanade! the guy really can play the piano very well. can tell he put a lot of emotion into interpreting the music, even though i'm not a classical music fan or expert. maybe i can find other cheaper venues to enjoy concerts.

i know you gals are worried, but this is something i have to solve before i am comfortable enough to let you all know. thanks for your concern though. =) take care till we meet.

太自以为是了吗？还是太过相信你？怎么不相信自己的直觉，怎么没有止住这一切？早说了，你对她太好了，超出普通朋友的好。你却坚决不听，认为自己拿捏得很有把握。结果，现在玩过火了。

发生的那么突然，那么快。知道你又一再做出情人的举动，整颗心。掉进无底洞了。眼泪哗啦啦流，哽咽控制不住。霎那间，发现真的可能无法挽回了。发现你一直以来说的话，只是为了骗我也为了骗你自己。发现了下午的短暂的快乐，背后一定有一个会让我很震撼的事情。发现了并不是我的不开心达到了想要得效果，而是连你自己也怕了。

从你口里，听不到我想听的话。却因为从你眼里看到你想挽回，所以即便会受更深的伤，我决定相信你最后一次。最后一次机会了。你做的到吗？为了我们，能吗？

一颗心竟然能碎得那么彻底。

boring sunday. too much time left alone with my emo thoughts. anyway, thinking so much won't get the problem solved either.

whatever. mood to do something reckless i-dunno-what. anything to break away from this.

Never knew you could be so sweet and patient to wait for one hour while people OT. Never knew you were so adaptable to go a place you said u didn't like. Where did you keep your wallet and handphone? Did you bring the scorecard, or did u make a new one to keep in your car?
Things have changed, don't say you haven't. How do we ever go back?

心冷掉了。想相信你的话，但连你都不能也不敢担保，最终选择是我。而我是自私的，我要的不是在结局胜利。我要你记得你曾经当我是你的everything.

只能从saw II 到 saw VI 吗？

everything that i need to say and can say, i've said. but it seems what i said doesnt change anything. much as i hate to continue being unhappy, i've now got to pretend normalcy and be as close to happy as i can be. was it really my fault? did i somehow do something to deserve this? or is it just bad karma?

the lack of passion doesnt bode well. i want to be proactive rather than passively wait for my fate to arrive at an unknown time. i want to be the one and only choice all along, not just the one left after elimination.

does it not mean anything that i am unhappy?

3-4 天来，都是带着低落的心情上班，放工。有些事情不想想，但心中那颗石头，怎么假装不存在？可恶的是，我想的东西，好像只有我一个人想到。更可恶的是，我要的答案，暂时得不到，几时会有答案，也没人知道。

复杂的思绪，冷半截的心。何去何从，谁人知晓？算了，唱几首歌让你听。猜得到歌名吗？很可惜，猜中无奖喔！

原来人会变得温柔
是透澈的懂了
爱情是流动的
不由人的
何必激动着要理由
相信你只是怕伤害我
不是骗我
很爱过谁会舍得
把我的梦摇醒了
宣布幸福不会来了
用心酸微笑去原谅了
也翻越了
有昨天还是好的
但明天是自己的
开始懂了
快乐是选择

我知道伤心不能改变什么 那么 让我诚实一点
诚实 难免有不能控制的宣泄 只要关上了门 不必理谁
一个人坐在空荡包厢里面 手机 让它休息一夜
难 像切歌切掉回忆的画面 眼泪不能不能流过十二点
我对自己说 蜡烛点了 寂寞亮了
泪也融了 我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切
还爱你 带一点恨 还要时间 才能平衡
热恋伤痕 幻灭重生

又站在你家的门口我们重复沉默
这样子单方面的守候
还能多久
终于你开口向我述说他有多温柔
虽然你还握著我的手
但我已不在你心中
我真的懂 你不是喜新厌旧
是我 没有
陪在你身边当你寂寞时候
别再看著我说著你爱过 别太伤痛
我不难过 这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流我也不懂
就让我走 让我开始享受自由
回忆很多 你的影子也会充满我生活
我并不懦弱 你比谁都懂
虽然寂寞 这会是我 最后的宽容
但我已不在你心中
终于你开口向我述说他有多温柔
虽然你还握著我的手
我真的懂 你不是喜新厌旧
是我 没有
陪在你身边当你寂寞时候
别再看著我说著你爱过 别太伤痛
我不难过 这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流我也不懂
就让我走 让我开始享受自由
回忆很多 你的影子也会充满我生活
我并不懦弱 你比谁都懂
虽然寂寞 这会是我 最后的宽容
抱紧我 再抱紧我
这一份感动 就请你让我留在胸口
别再说 是你的错
爱到了尽头 是非对错
就让它随风 忘了所有 过的比你快活
真的懂 你不是喜新厌旧
是我 没有
陪在你身边当你寂寞时候
别再看著我说著你爱过 别太伤痛
我不难过 这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流我也不懂
不要再说 或许这是最好的结果
现在分手 总好过你不爱我一拖再拖
松开你的手 离开你左右
我向前走 这会是我真正的解脱

mid-week! 2 more days to the weekend! cheers!

kind of contented to come home early. even though have to sweep/mop floor, but then its still peaceful to be alone at home, listening to MTV and singing songs.

small little things to cherish. =)

attended a course on wed n thurs. made some new friends, and gained an understanding of the organisation and ways of the SMEs. did a personality test and some group activities that allowed us to understand ourselves better. the simple version of the test is available at http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html

unconsciously evaluated my own expectations vs the current situation and now i'm wondering if i should start looking for a new job. especially since i just realised that my contract is not bonded. hahaha actually my situation is not that bad. just that i'm looking at salary, benefits and possible experience i can bring to my next job. shall keep considering. but actually there's only 1 month left to the end of the probation period. still not sure what i expect, and what to expect at the end of this job.

wondering a bit about the dynamics of a relationship. guy pays for all, go dutch, take turns. truthfulness and honesty about all in the past, in the present. seeking permission and opinion on issues regarding opposite sex and other friends. time spent together. keeping an eye to watch out for signs of dissatisfaction or even worse, a roving eye or fluttering heart.

not really content about life, but not that there is a lot to complain. it's just a haiz feeling that cant be explained easily. sigh.

hang in there, perhaps time will tell.